A tribute to my friend

Picture blatantly stolen from Ashley's Facebook page

You know how when someone writes a tribute they generally have nothing negative to say? I think this is probably most common in obituaries; if you read nothing but obituaries all the time you would probably think the world was a very beautiful place with nothing but kindhearted people morally on par with Jesus. If you really knew the subject of the tribute or the obituary, though, you would know that they were not a sinless human being. You would have seen them with all their flaws and you might even think, wow, they really aren't as great as this piece makes them out to be.

I preface my own tribute to my friend Kyle this way because I almost feel like I have to apologize for my own effusiveness. I have no doubt that Kyle has many flaws and that he is not the second sinless person to ever walk the earth. In all the years that I have had the honor of knowing him, though, I have seen only a man seeking God's will in his life with more integrity than anyone I have ever met. He also isn't the type who needs the praise. So, Kyle, sorry for the good review.

Today our good friends Kyle and Ashley are getting married. This is an especially poignant day in my own heart and mind for a few reasons but I'll start at the beginning. Before I went into eighth grade, my family moved from Texas to Ohio when my dad changed jobs. I didn't want to move as I would imagine most eighth graders wouldn't who had somehow managed to established themselves in the existing social minefield. I hit it off quickly with some idiots (I don't use that word negatively; rather, as a synonym for "Jr. High students") at my middle school in a Cleveland suburb, though, and had a year alternating between feeling good about myself for making friends and feeling disconnected from what I truly wanted and from the God who had created me -- at least I had this nagging feeling that He had.

My parents weren't too thrilled with what they were seeing from me either, and so they decided to force me at gunpoint to attend a private Christian high school outside Akron (the gunpoint part is a joke; my mom hadn't yet become quite so politically conservative as to openly endorse guns and young children coexisting in the home). I hated them for it. The truth was, I was a mess with no real direction and no real substance to my life. I was only in eighth grade but it is safe to say my life wouldn't be what it is now if not for Kyle.

I met Kyle because we both played hockey, a bond we have been able to share and relate through to this day. I don't honestly remember how exactly we connected at first; it's possible that someone at the high school pointed me in Kyle's direction when they found out I was planning on playing hockey that next year. In any case, I found myself on a preseason team with a lot of high school freshmen who thought about, talked about, and allegedly participated in nothing but girls, alcohol, and drugs (in that order). Hockey locker rooms are not for the faint of heart, and despite my terrible memory there is more than one story I remember being shocked by in that short stint. Kyle was different though. I had known Christians in Dallas -- I mean, I was one of them -- but I think Kyle was the first Christian I had known who actually acted differently than everyone else.

He became my only friend. I hated that first year in high school. In fact, I probably hated most of the first two years. It wasn't until later on that I managed to simultaneously break out of my shell and devote my life to something bigger than myself, but Kyle was the only solace I had in the midst of the growing pains I was going through in the beginning. There was nothing extraordinary about our friendship really. We hung out a lot, played video games, watched sports on TV, ate lots of junk food, got to know each other's families well. Just writing that sentence makes me crave Mountain Dew, pizza, and chips.

I would guess we were doing the same kinds of things a lot of our male classmates were doing in ninth and tenth grade. The difference, maybe, was that even though Kyle was not much older than me (a grade above me but only about seven months older) he certainly acted older and took me under his proverbial wing. I have never met any high schooler as completely unaffected by the constant onslaught of peer pressure as Kyle. If he thought something was stupid he wouldn't do it. If he thought something was wrong he wouldn't do it. I don't mean to say that Kyle never once gave into the whims of those around him; just that I don't remember once seeing him do it. I can't claim the same. But even though I definitely didn't display the same maturity at a young age that Kyle did he never talked down to me, never claimed any moral superiority, never told me I was being stupid. He still wanted to hang out with me and respected me when I didn't deserve it. This was a Christianity I didn't know at the time. Because of Kyle I know it now.

His "moral compass" (as I have heard it described by ten thousand too many pastors) was not necessarily aligned the same way as the teachers or other students at our school. Part of what came with his refusal to give into peer pressure was that he also often wouldn't conform to the expectations others placed on him, even (or maybe especially) the expectations of those in authority. He was called into the office when, in his role as school chaplain, he prayed on the morning announcements that our basketball team would "kick the snot out of those guys." He was the subject of a rather memorable all-school chapel speech by one of our teachers who had discovered drawings Kyle did in class which, ahem, exaggerated certain facial features. He led our hockey league in penalty minutes his senior year. Kyle, you don't have to worry about me broadcasting all these embarrassing stories; there are three people who read our blog and one of them is Ashley.

He taught me something important through all of this too, though. Jesus didn't conform to the expectations of the world he came to save. Not even close. If we are truly going to follow him, we are not always going to adhere to one position and we are certainly not always going to adhere to what the world expects of us. Kyle was not who others wanted him to be, he's still not who others want him to be, but ever since I have known him he has always sought to follow Christ and pursue what is right. I now pray frequently that I would follow the path God wants me to follow, even if it means I turn away from the path everyone else wants me to go down.

Kyle and I didn't see each other quite as much throughout college, but we still talked somewhat frequently and remained close friends. When I started dating Kels and it became obvious that things were getting pretty serious between us, Kyle made it his highest priority to really get to know her. He didn't do this to vet her or for any selfish reason of his own, but just simply because he cared about us and really wanted to be a part of our lives. He didn't want to drift apart and slowly lose a friendship because Kels was now going to be an integral part of my life. So he took a bus to Wheaton from Toledo and spent a long weekend with us. I had two hockey games that weekend that were about an hour away, so Kyle volunteered to drive Kels to the games just so they could talk and he could get to know her better. I will never forget that.

That was also the weekend that Kyle first mentioned Ashley. It was a passing comment more than anything; they were just friends and Ashley had driven Kyle to the bus stop. Over the coming months though we would get to know her as more than just his friend. Thank God too because she is by far the smartest, funniest, and best looking girl Kyle could have possibly chosen (since, you know, Kels was already taken). They are absolutely perfect for each other and it has been an honor to get to know them as a couple over the past two years or so. Before Ashley, Kyle used to morbidly joke about how his wife would get tired of him pretty quickly after they got married. It was funny, but I can tell you guys this: Everyone gets sick of their spouse sometimes, but you two are meant to stand the test of time. And I couldn't be happier.

There are a million other stories I could tell and things I could say about Kyle and Ashley, but if I started going down that road I might still be writing on their one year anniversary. So I'll finish with this one. When we got married, Kyle and Ashley came down to Tennessee and were just there for us throughout the entire process. There were things about getting married that were very difficult and things about getting married that were amazing, but throughout everything Kyle was there supporting us. He has always, always, always been there for me and I respect him more than anyone in the world.

Which is why it is killing me that I'm not there for him and his wife now on the most important day of their lives. Kyle and Ashley, all I can say is that Kels, Charis, and I love you both so much and we are so sorry we can't be there. The only solace I take from it is that I know your wedding is not about us, it's about you and no one else, and it will be a day unworthy of adjectives. It will be our greatest joy when we get back to spend time with you guys and just hang out, play video games, watch sports on TV, and eat lots of junk food (okay, so I'm speaking for myself). We can't wait to talk to you guys when you get back from your honeymoon and hear about how great it is to be married to the person you love more than anyone else.

So accept this tribute in our stead. We will be raising our glasses and toasting you this evening as we celebrate this beautiful thing that God has done. We love you. Now go party.